Pages 41 – 50

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for once but it was always the same – fish in the daytimes and run around at night but it made me  no difference at all.

June 29, Laura gave birth to a little girl and it was far from April like she told  my mother.  So as I have promised her that I would go take car of her and Emile, can I go and he said, yes well go.  So I went to take care of her.  Emile came to sleep there at night but I didn’t see him in the day times.  Laura named her little girl Priscilla;  it was her 4th child. I loved that baby as if it would been my own and I thought how it would be nice for me to have my very own little girl to take care of.  I always love babies so much.

Three weeks pass and one day Ozime and Emile ask if you want to come with us Sunday.  I will rent a car and we will go see Laura and Estelle’s mother.  Emile said yes, we’ll go.  So on Sunday we leave for Caribou.  Laura was anxious to show her little baby to mother.   I was so glad I will see my mother. When we arrived at mother’s home, my stepfather was outdoors and he had a lot of things to show them so I went in with Laura.  Mother was glad to see us. She kiss us and the baby. Not long after she let Laura have her and food. She said you lied to me.  you wrote me to send you  Estelle to care for you. You were having your baby in April so

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you just had your baby.  You lied to me.  You wanted Estelle to get her married to Ozime’s brother. She said I never knew that I have raised a daughter to be such a liar.  And she said Laura I won’t ever forgive you for that. Laura starts to cry and mother was crying too and I don’t have to tell you that I was the first to cry.  I went in the learning room and sit at the piano and try to make believe that I was playing but my tears was falling on the piano keys and I didn’t even see the piano keys. Then mom came in and step father came and sit beside me and he saw I was crying.  And he said dear little girl, if you are not happy then you can come home anytime.  This is your home anytime.  You want to come and I was crying so hard.   I would have given you a big gift and I would have been so glad to be your father at your wedding but we were not even invited at your wedding. I know it’s not your fault but pray darling he said and he took $40.00 from his pocket and give it to me.  And he also said your mother cry all day the day you got married and he kiss me on the head and I was crying so hard.  I could even say thank you father. He went back to the kitchen and after a while I went and wash my eyes and I went to see all our house

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in all the rooms upstairs even the action in the cellar.  The cellar was filled with nice wood [weed] piles it was smelling so good.  My mother she had everything. I went to see mother’s gardens too but later in the afternoon we had to go back so Ozime said alright get ready it’s time to go.  Laura started to get her baby ready and me I couldn’t think of leaving my  mother.  I went and hid behind the garage and I start crying again.  They looked for me all about the house at last they find me hiding there crying.  Emile said Come we have to go and Mother came and took me by the arms and said come Estelle I can’t keep you and she was crying too.  So I know I had to go. So I get in the car and we leave.

That night Emile said now Laura is well to go back home so I had to go back with him to his parent;s about a few weeks after my step father wrote a letter to Emile and he asks him if he wants to go work for him.  He needed a man on the construction and to my surprise Emile said yes, we’ll go m. OK, my mother-in-law was so mad about Emile to take me to live in Caribou.  She said if you want to lose your wife, go. But she was very mistaken. I was married in the name of the Lord and I promised myself to give my life instead of shaming my mother and brothers and sisters by leaving my

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husband.  I would hide my tears and sorrow to the end.  I thought to myself, Mother will never know what I am suffering.

So I was glad to go to Caribou so Emile could work because we needed money very badly.  We stayed for 3 weeks with my brother Patrick. he had moved to Caribou now. He was still a blacksmith.

So Emile starts working for step father and we pay our board for three weeks and after we moved in with my sister Anna and her husband Horace Marquis.  He too was working for step father so he had a car.  so Emile trained with him.  They wire buildings and the Caribou Dam.

Anna was working too so I was alone and in the morning after the house chores were done I went to pass the day with Mother.  She was canning vegetables and fruits for winter so I help her all day.  It was so nice for me to be there.  I said thank you Lord to be able to be with my mother today but every day about 4 o’clock I had to go back to prepare supper and I didn’t want Emile to know that I was passing my days with mother because I know he would be mad.  So at 4 o’clock I leave mother to go home and I pass a little short cut.  That short cut was between Spring at where mother lives and sweeden street and in this short cut there was a little brook and on the brook to cross there was 4 planks to step to cross over

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and every [day] when I went home I stop before crossing  at the side of the brook. There were trees and one was much bigger than the other ones so I put my head to this big tree and cried and cried for a big half an hour every day. I cry at this tree and when I thought I had to go home because I will be late, I wash my eyes in the brook and went home and I hurry to cook supper.  Emile and Horace arrived at about 15 mines passed 5 and Anna too and I kept my eyes and head down as much as I could so they won’t see my swollen eyes.

Poor Mother! She never knew the tears I shed leaving her every day.  Nobody knew beside myself until today.

One day Emile came home and found $50 dollars near the theater. Two $20 dollars and a $10 dollars folded.  No billfold or nothing just this $50 in the mud.  So we went to a furniture store and we bought a new bed for $25 dollars and a new trunk.  We were rich.  We had a trunk and a bed to ourselves and  we had a little money left  to buy sheets and pillow cases.  Every week we could buy something – towels and dishes and rugs and what we needed the most Emile was paid good wages.  And for me step father ask Emile to work for me just because he want me out of Black Lake because there was lots of men who was looking for jobs in Caribou.

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Anyway I was so glad to be out of Black Lake.  I thank the Lord every day for it. 

At the beginning of September Emile said we will go pick some potatoes at Washburn.  So when time came we moved to Washburn.  And Emile’s Uncle [ Maestoe] Pelletier was moved there for potato picking too.  So we stay with them. Emile took a small job for [Tent] Hale and a boy from St. John, Maine Laurent Talbert pick for Emile.  I pick too and I loved Laurent Talbert.

But one night I wake up in flood in the bed. I wake Emile up and said you wet the bed. Get up so I can change the bed. He didn’t say nothing. I made him change and I change too and lay down again.  The next day I had to stay home to wash the bed clothes. I was laughing to myself because Emile had wet the bed. I told my Aunt Madelaine Emile wet the bed so I couldn’t go pick today. I got to wash. Poor little girl she said is this the first time since you got married?  I said yes. Well she said you are not finished washing wet bed clothes because Emile had always wet the bed. She said Emile’s other told her that she tried everything and she couldn’t stop him from wetting the bed.

In the day time Emile heard that I have told Aunt Madelaine about this when he came home. He was so mad at me. He give me all sort of names

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and he said if you said anything about this again you will get it. And he came to hit me.  Matante Aunt Madeline just had time to put herself between us and she said Oh no, you won’t hit her while she is with me. Leave her alone. I was crying and I tell you that I learn my lesson. I never mention a word about his bed wetting to no one but this bed wetting last for years and years and years. And he was wearing long underwear since like winter and in winter he always sleep with underwear and shirts and sweater and he never get up for me to change the bed either. I change them in the morning. I get up and change because I wake up 2 or 3 times a week all wet. I change and put dry sheets under me and let him be. It was this way that he had been raised sleeping all dressed up and stay wet. He likes it this way so I just left him the way he like him to be. But sheets and blanket yes, I wash. God Almighty only knows about it. This had been another cross for me to bear.

One morning still at potato picking I faint. I couldn’t go to pick and Aunt Madelaine didn’t want Emile to bring me in the field no more. So I stay home and cook and wash. And I like her a lot. She sing – she was a very good singer and I like

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to hear her sing. I learn some very beautiful songs from her. And I sing for her too. She show me how to cook macaroni and she show me to bake apple pies. We were living right near our apple orchard so we made sauce and apple pies.

After potatoes finish, Emile said we will go pass the winter with Father and Mother so I had to go live there again before coming down.  We bought some clothing for the winter and after being dressed we bought a few more sheets and blankets. Emile’s mother was glad to have Emile back. For me, I didn’t count. For at home she rarely speak to me. I done all I could to please them so they would like me but in vain.  Emily and Clarise I have nothing to say. I get along well together. Emily show me to crochet. At first I discourage myself and stop trying to learn. But she said Estelle try again. I’ll show you so I try again and I did learn. I could work for the Crocheting Company after that and made myself a little money. It didn’t pay much $3.50 for a day’s set of sweaters and caps and booties and I was not used to this so it took me a long time to finish a day.

But Aurare she didn’t talk to me at all. And mom in law she was a good singer too. When she sit at her spinning wheel and sing, how beautiful it sound. But as soon as she sees me listening she stop.

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Emile was never home. He hunt rabbits and at night went to see cousin Romio again.  He was working for his Uncle Hubald Hebert. Romio’s father and Emile’s father and uncle Hubald Hebert they were all brothers but Romio’s father was living in Fort Kent since he was a small boy. So Emile as ever was never home.

In January I find out that I was to have a baby. I ran over to Laura – she was living about 100 feet from the in laws and Emile didn’t want me to go see her because he said Ozime and Laura all they for is fill you head with junk. So that day, want or not, I went to Laura to tell her that I thought I was pregnant and I said I wish I be so I can have a little girl too. She was glad for me. Well, she said next spring when Emile works, buy some flannelette and I will make you some diapers and little shirts for your baby. I was so happy. I pray dear Lord give me a healthy little baby. I will be so happy and I will have something to pass my time and I will be less lonesome.

I was weighting 125 when I got married but now all I weight was 92 pounds. I was weak and I faint a lot. I couldn’t do nothing to please my mom in law no matter how I try and Emile and me was like fire and water. Everything was black

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in front of my eyes. I had to stop crocheting. I was badly sick and mom in law said that I was lazy and Emile believe it too.  I did all I could so they would like me but nothing doing. I hate my husband. I pray God please help me love my husband or take us apart. We are too miserable. You put us together – you can take us apart no matter him or me, take one of us but nothing doing. Life had to go on.

We went to live with Laura in the spring and Emile went to work for his Uncle Hubald to plant the crops and as soon as he could he give me $10 dollars which I give to mom in law to buy me some flannelette for my baby’s clothing.  And Laura had a new sewing machine so she start sewing for me.  How nice it was to feel this baby clothes to my face. I thought how nice my baby will be in this flannelette gown and shirts and diapers. All I live for was to see my baby in my arms.  All mine and mine alone. I didn’t think about the father because he didn’t care. 

Before my baby was born, Emile said we will go back home so Mother can take care of you when the baby come. So we move back there and I did all I could to please mom in law.  But in vain. I saw she was hating me and Aurare too. And Emile believes all his mother and Aurare says but I didn’t mind no more. I thought I did all I could.

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